More trouble than he's worth?

Picture the scene. July 2008, and a stern faced David Gill emerges from Soho Square; clipboard in hand, hint of a tear in the eye.

"Obviously it's a blow to be relegated to the Salford Caravan Parks Division Nine, fined £500m and banned from signing any players for 10 years. Yes Wayne Rooney has joined Barcelona, Rio Ferdinand has gone to Chelsea and Cristiano Ronaldo has danced his way to Real Madrid for a combined total of, after agent's fees, £6.92. Sir Alex has done a runner, packing Carlos Queiroz in his suitcase, Ryan Giggs and Paul Scholes have retired, or gone to Bolton, same thing, and Gary Neville has moved to FC United, stating he wanted to play at a higher level. But we are confident that under our new management team of Paul Parker and David May we can mount a serious title challenge in the next 25 years.

"I have been in contact with the Glazers. The closest family member willing to talk to us was Hank Aaron Billy Bob Glazer, Malcolm's half-brother's cousin's illegitimate son, and he's told us he's willing to give us an eighth of the profits of his cotton picking farm, and we are sitting by the phone awaiting further news and the arrival of what he promises will be 'big bucks, y'all'."

Alright, perhaps this is a slight exaggeration of what could happen if Manchester United complete their protacted signing of Carlos Tevez, but are they going down a dangerous road in their pursuit of the Argentine?

If the Premier League had acted properly, West Ham would be a Championship club now because of their purchase of Tevez and compatriot Javier Mascherano eleven months ago. United will have to make sure that everything is above board in the deal or they risk the wrath of the FA.

The Old Trafford club seem to be basing most of their defence for the move on the fact that Liverpool were allowed to sign Mascherano in January, but they are overlooking a crucial factor in his transfer: West Ham didn't want him any more.

Of course West Ham don't want to lose Tevez. He practically single-handedly kept them up last season, a statement that's been used before, but surely without this much justification. Now in normal situations when a club doesn't want to sell a player, they don't sell him, simple as that. But this of course is no normal situation. Manchester United will reportedly pay Tevez's 'owner', the infamous Kia Joorabchian, around £6m to take Tevez on a two year loan. Where this leaves West Ham is anybody's guess.

The finer details of Mascherano's Liverpool deal are still unknown. He is six months into an 18-month loan deal with the Reds. When that runs out next summer, who do Liverpool pay if they want to make his move permanent, which they surely will?

Confusion reigns over to the two Argentines. Both are fine players and great additions to the Premiership. Mascherano is already a firm favourite on the Kop and Tevez will add even greater strength to Manchester United's already formidable forward line when he completes his move, which he surely will.

It's easy to think that West Ham are the big losers in all of this. Whatever money they eventually recieve for Tevez and Mascherano will be well down on the players' actual values. But the fact that they are somehow still in the Premiership, and splashing the new television cash accordingly (giving Craig Bellamy £75,000 a week is surely a licence to expect trouble) then they are unlikely to be too depressed.

So, West Ham win by still being in the Premiership. Manchester United and Liverpool win by recruiting two world class players. Joorabchain wins by pocketing a wad of cash. Bar Sheffield United, who loses?

If these sort of deals are to become the norm, then the losers could well be the Premier League.